Open Letter

Dear Cancer,

Go ahead and die in a fire*.

No love,

me

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I didn't originally start this blog as an Americans blog.  I didn't know what I wanted it to be, but I did know I loved hockey (still do obviously) and I knew there were other women fans out there.  In fact I knew of a group of hockey ladies and they collectively ran a site called Hockey's Ladies of Greatness.  It was a place where female fans could congregate and talk about their teams.  And I wanted to be a part of it.

So I started this site, I began talking about the Carolina Hurricanes.  Once I had been established (though I don't think many people were reading) I submitted my application to HLOG and I was accepted.  All the sudden I had a little network of amazing women hockey fans from all over the continent the world (Hi Sasky!).  But I found it hard to keep up with the Hurricanes and to write anything original.  There's a glut of NHL blogs out there and I find if you want people to read your writing, it has to be something they haven't read before and one's opinion can only do so much.

I wasn't the only one at HLOG who let my writing lapse, several did.  We all have lives and hockey and everything else.  Some of the gals have resuscitated the HLOG (old site link where I did some writing, new site link) but I declined to be part of it, I just couldn't dedicate myself to it and that's not fair to the rest of the gals.  Then again, it doesn't look like anyone has posted since October.

Bear with me, I'm getting to the point.

As I started writing, I wanted to write for me but I also wanted to make it interesting enough to make other people want to read it.  So I did a lot of "research".  I read as many hockey blogs as I could, especially ones written by women.  Many female fans (and writers) are dismissed because sometimes we talk about the sexiness of players, but we DO know the game and love it.  But I digress.

One of the blogs I found was written by Kristin, a Philly Flyers fan.  She had a real style to her writing, included humor, and made it interesting to read about the Flyers, a team I honestly don't care a whole lot about.  We also shared a love of Michael Leighton at one point.  Mmmm, Michael Leighton.

Anyways, she's a great gal.  And she's been diagnosed with cancer.

First of all, let me just say that none of my treatment choices sound like a walk in the park.  I had a very real awakening a few weeks ago.  That awakening was "crap, I have cancer."  This was not a pleasant realization, as I had made it nearly a year without a true understanding of this fact.  (Although I was officially diagnosed in May, I knew in March that what I had was metastatic carcinoid.)  So a year of denial is pretty good I guess.  Obviously, I knew in a factual sense that I had cancer, but it never really dawned on me that it meant anything more than surgery, MRIs, CT scans, Oscans, and a shot in the ass every 21 days.  In reality, none of those things are that challenging, except the first few times.  After your second or third MRI in 9 months, it's like naptime in there.  (Knock on Wood...)

Hey, she's right, MRI time is great nap time, I take naps during my MRIs too, but I only get them once a year.  The metastatic carcinoid is very slow growing, she tells me she may have had it for the last 10 years. If you go to the above link you'll see she's got several options she's weighing right now, none good of course. 

So why am I telling you all this?  Because over the years I've learned that hockey community is a pretty tight-knit community.  Turns out so is the hockey blogging community, and the female hockey blogging community even moreso.  I am telling you this to help me help a friend in need.

I hate asking for help.  Even at work, I'll use my "flip the 90 pound wheel of parm up the stepladder onto the counter" trick instead of asking one of the big burly meat guys to help me.  That's just the way I am.  I think most of us are like that.  In our culture, asking for help is a sign of weakness, and nobody wants to seem weak.

Asking for money is even more awkward.  Money that I won't even pay back.  It's probably one of the most uncomfortable things I've done.  But then I think back to when I was diagnosed, and everyone said to me, "Let me know if there is anything I can do for you."

So I'm letting you know that there is something you can do for me. You can make a donation.  Tell yourself it's a gift.  A get well wish. An early 40th birthday present (knock on wood).  A small token of how much you miss me.  And on the plus side, you should know that each donation makes me cry.  So if you ever wanted to make me cry, there's your incentive.  (Knock on Wood...)

Now I don't particularly want to make Kristin cry, but I will definitely be helping, I already made my donation this morning.  And you can too.  If you're unsure about donating to someone you don't know, I understand, donate to me--you know me--and I guarantee I will pass along the donation.  I don't guarantee much in this world, but I promise you I will pass along the donation.

The PRRT treatment in Houston is $75,000 and not covered by insurance because it's a clinical trial, so any amount will help.

You can help me pay for my $75,000 PRRT treatment by making a donation in one of two ways below. I realize that this is a huge amount of money, but we will get there one dollar at a time. No donation is too small.

You can make a donation via check payable to Kristin Shaw and mail the check to:

Kristin Shaw
P.O. Box 754
Paoli, PA 19301

You can also make a donation with your credit card through PayPal. You do not need to have an account to do so. Please click on the button below to start the process. (CLICK HERE)

I regret that donations are not tax deductible, but please know how truly appreciated your donation is.

My donate button is up top there on the right.  Like she said, no donation is too small.

*I recently had to explain "DIAF" to a friend and it was awkward because it's a saying that isn't very nice--which is kind of the point, but I don't ACTUALLY want anyone to die in a fire, that's horrible.  Except cancer, but cancer isn't a person so it can totally die in a fire.